


In the Details

by Silex



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack, Demons, Gen, Humor, No Plot/Plotless, Retail Jobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 23:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20072149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silex/pseuds/Silex
Summary: Xaz'ganath was in serious trouble, so far this month he had failed to steal any souls, seal even a single diabolic bargain, and his general misery quota was abysmally low. Fortunately he had a brilliant idea.





	In the Details

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rhampholeon34](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhampholeon34/gifts).

Xaz'ganath was in serious trouble, so far this month he had failed to steal any souls, seal even a single diabolic bargain, though he had leads on several promisingly foolish mortals he was simply waiting to call upon him with the correct summoning, and his general misery quota was abysmally low. Fortunately he had an idea that didn’t involve making any wagers, as those had the tendency to backfire. All it took was disguising himself as a mortal and making a simple purchase from a grocery store.

Or a not so simple purchase. Wearing the form of a human woman, Xaz'ganath made his way to the bakery counter and, flashing a smile that he was especially proud of as the even white teeth, too bright to be entirely natural but betraying no hint of jagged fangs, asked where the cake he ordered was.

The young woman at the counter smiled back at the demon, not yet sensing anything amiss and promised to have it ‘right away.’

They hurried to the back of the bakery while Xaz'ganath waited with deceptive patience, wondering how long they would search before discovering the ruse.

Leaning eagerly over the counter Xaz'ganath listened to the young woman’s search.

“Hey, Juan?” the woman’s voice rang out from behind racks of baked goods, “Where’s the cake with a one o’clock pickup?”

“What cake?” A surly sounding male voice came from somewhere farther into the kitchen area, “Do you mean the one-thirty cookie platter? ‘cause I’m working on it. Tell ‘em five minutes.”

Sowing the seeds of doubt and dissention was always viewed highly by the powers below so Xaz'ganath hoped that the conflict between the two bakers might grow.

Unfortunately the smiling young woman quickly returned to the counter, “Was it a cookie platter that you wanted?”

“No,” Xaz'ganath shook his head, the frosted and layered hair of his human guise shimmering in the fluorescent lighting of the grocery store, “I ordered a cake this morning. Two layers, whipped cream frosting, half chocolate, half vanilla with jam in the middle. Maybe you should write that down so you don’t forget it when you go to look?”

Careful intonation made the last comment into both a question and an insult to the young woman’s intelligence, which she caught, judging by the way her smile flickered.

“I’ll double check,” the young woman recovered, “I’m sure it’s there.”

As she nearly made it to the back, Xaz'ganath called out, “Does it help is I tell you the order’s for Karen?”

The young woman froze, nodded and then turned around stiffly to smile for good measure, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I’m sure you’ll get this solved,” Xaz'ganath leaned forward and squinted at the young woman’s nametag to bring out the big guns, “Tina. I never have any trouble like this and I shop here all the time.”

He could see Tina’s eyes go wide and her lips press to a thin, angry line.

“Juan, do we have a big two layer sheet for a Karen?” Tina started, only for Xaz'ganath to cut her off.

“It should say ‘Congratulations Jenny and Matt’ on it with pink and blue lettering.”

“Thanks,” Tina muttered.

“No.”

By the sounds of it Juan hadn’t even bothered looking.

Xaz'ganath rubbed his hands together in anticipation, nails done in a French manicure looking suspiciously claw-like for just an instant. One employee frustrated, another angry to begin with. Definitely a two for one deal and, if all went well, the frustration would only grow and spread.

“You sure?” Tina tried again, sounding hopeful.

“Yeah, I’m sure. When’d she say she ordered it?”

“This morning,” Xaz'ganath called out across the counter, determined not to let Tina get a word in edgewise when it mattered, “It’s a layer cake, vanilla and chocolate with whipped cream frosting and strawberry jam in the middle.”

“This morning?” Juan sounded skeptical, actually emerging from the back half of the bakery, “I opened today and we only got two new orders in. Neither for today.”

“Oh no,” Xaz'ganath frowned, “Did you get the date wrong? Well, since you’re not busy I’m sure you can fix things up in a jiffy.”

Juan frowned, started to mutter something then caught himself, “I’ll see what I can do. Tina? You mind putting out more donuts? We’re getting low on the crullers so fill their space with whatever.”

“Got it,” Tina sounded relieved, thinking that her part in the little drama was over, which showed what she knew. Juan was a sharp one, trying to diffuse the situation so that it was just him and Xaz'ganath, but it wouldn’t work.

“Thank you, Juan,” Xaz'ganath looked him straight in the eye, flashing him a smile. A quick glance at Juan’s nametag revealed that he was the bakery manager.

“No problem miss –”

“Karen,” Xaz'ganath supplied, “I’m surprised you don’t remember. I talked to you just this morning.”

“We get a lot of calls,” Juan deflected.

“I shop here all the time,” Xaz'ganath rebutted, enjoying the verbal joust of courtesy that they’d entered, “Tina’s always so helpful.”

Over at the donut case Tina tensed at the mention of her name, but didn’t look up from the rows of baked goods she was counting.

“I’ll look through the orders for this week to see if you ended up on the wrong day,” Juan offered.

“I’m sure I didn’t,” Xaz'ganath laughed a little too shrilly for it to be considered pleasant.

Juan was unimpressed as he took a notebook out from the shelves behind him and began to thumb through it.

Xaz'ganath leaned over the counter, looking over the pages with Juan.

“One o’clock today,” Xaz'ganath reached over and tapped on the spot on the page, “I should be right there.”

“Don’t do that,” Juan responded without thinking.

Xaz'ganath chose to ignore the bakery manager’s comment, hoping to use it as ammunition later in the exchange, once things got heated. Instead the demon continued feigning helpfulness, “Could you have forgotten to write it down? Maybe you should check the call logs, that way you can see that I did call you.”

Juan looked at her, unsure of what to say to that.

“We don’t keep call logs,” he said at last.

“That’s not very helpful,” Xaz'ganath frowned, as though disappointed at such a horrendous oversight, “You should. The bakery in the other store does.”

Juan failed to rise to the bait, instead responding with an equally valid question, “Are you sure you called us and not the other store?”

“I’m sure I called you, you’re the only location off the highway,” Xaz'ganath responded, delighted to finally spring the trap. Technically there was only one store in the chain off the highway and this one wasn’t it. This store was on a side road that ran parallel to the highway, “Besides, I always shop here.”

“You might have called our Sunset Highway location, that happens all the time,” Juan said with the smile of a man who’d gotten to the bottom of a particularly troubling enigma, “We’re actually on Sheephead Road.”

“You’re right off of Sunset Highway,” Xaz'ganath said, curious to see how the bakery manager would argue that undeniable fact.

His response was a near perfect deflection, “What number did you call?”

“I called you,” Xaz'ganath reached into the purse he had manifested for his disguise and pulled out a cellphone, “Let me show you.”

Taking his time keying in the phone’s code and then closing in and out of several apps by carefully designed accident, Xaz'ganath went through the motions of pulling up, not his call history, but Googling the grocery store chain.

In the time it took for him to narrow it down to stores near a specific zip code an actual customer showed up at the counter.

An older man with two young children, a boy and a girl. Clearly his well-behaved grandchildren.

He stood patiently behind Xaz'ganath, ready to make his purchase while the children discussed with restrained excitement what kind of cookie they each wanted.

“Here,” Xaz'ganath held up the phone and closed out of the search window before Juan could get a good look at it, “Oops, sorry. Give me a minute.”

“While you’re doing that do you mind –”

“No need to hurry,” Xaz'ganath interrupted the bakery manager, “I’ll be just a minute.”

Then, as though planned the phone began to ring. It was as though the blasphemous powers had decided to smile on him!

“Oh no! I was expecting a call,” Xaz'ganath struggled not to laugh. The number was clearly a robo-call but neither Juan nor the customer had any way of knowing that, “I need to get this.”

Shrugging as though none of this was his fault Xaz'ganath answered the call without stepping out of the way.

“I can help you,” Juan said, peering past Xaz'ganath at the old man and his grandchildren.

Xaz'ganath waited for the man to step up to the counter and start his order before turning around and glaring at him, “Excuse me. I was in line before you and I’d appreciate it if you waited your turn.”

“How rude,” the girl huffed, crossing her arms which prompted her grandfather to gently reprimand her and gave Xaz'ganath the perfect opportunity to feign finishing his call and resuming his conversation with Juan.

“No need to be in a hurry, you’re not that busy,” Xaz'ganath once again went through the motions of searching online for the store’s location and phone number while Tina came over to help the grandfather and his grandkids.

Xaz'ganath held the phone up for Juan to look at and then turned to watch as Tina handed both children a cookie each. The children, at their grandfather’s prompting, thanked her.

That was when Xaz'ganath struck, “It’s very irresponsible giving them sugar like that.”

The man frowned, his outing with his grandchildren made slightly less enjoyable by the comment.

Still misery was misery and Xaz'ganath was willing to take that as a small victory, especially as other customers began to arrive.

An audience, perfect.

“Yup,” Juan frowned, tilting his head to get a better look at the phone, “You called the wrong store.”

“Oh, that’s all,” Xaz'ganath laughed, as though it really was solved, “So you’ll just call them and have them bring my cake over?”

“You’ll have to pick it up from them or, since you haven’t paid, order a new cake from here. I’ll get it ready as fast as I can,” Juan smiled, clearly believing that the worst was over.

It wasn’t, there were two different directions Xaz'ganath could take this in terms of unreasonable demands, an impossible timeframe or an onerous request.

“You’ve been so helpful so far Juan,” Xaz'ganath grinned, “I’m in a hurry though, so couldn’t you go get my cake for me? I did order it from you after all.”

“You can either pick the cake up yourself or I can make a new one for you,” the bakery manager repeated.

“But the cake’s already been made so there’s no point in making another and it’s really inconsiderate for you to expect me to drive all that way to get it when you can just call the other store to bring it here,” Xaz'ganath said as though this were the most obvious thing imaginable.

The line of customers behind him was growing and while Tina was doing an admirable job handling it all there was also the cookie platter to finish and clock was ticking. Xaz'ganath could see both her and Juan growing increasingly frustrated as the seconds slipped by and they fell farther and farther behind.

“Listen,” Juan snapped when Xaz'ganath once again stepped between him and an actual customer, “There are three options, get the cake from the store that has it, order one here, or just don’t get the cake.”

“You don’t have to be rude,” Xaz'ganath scolded, “I’ll just get the cake here.”

“Good,” Juan sighed, thinking that the worst was over, “Now what was the cake you wanted?”

“Can’t you just look it up?”

Juan glared at him, “No.”

“But you have my order on record. I just put it in this morning,” Xaz'ganath feigned confused exasperation.

“You didn’t order it from us,” Juan gritted his teeth in a rictus grin, “You ordered it from a different store.”

“Just look it up on your computer,” Xaz'ganath snapped, “I don’t see why you’re making this so difficult for me because of your mistake.”

“You made that order with another store,” the bakery manager looked him in the eye, “Not with me. I need you to give me your order so I can make you the cake.”

Xaz'ganath gave him exactly what he wanted, giving him the order and every time he asked for confirmation of one part of it repeating the whole thing until Juan looked ready to scream.

Finally the order was done, the frosting, flavors and filling as well as message all confirmed. Juan totaled up the order and let out a sigh of relief, “That’ll be $63.85.”

“What?” Xaz'ganath leaned forward, getting into Juan’s personal space again.

“The cake’s going to cost $63.85. That should be the same as what you were told the first time you ordered it,” Juan’s eyes darted down as he double-checked the math.

“They did, but I can’t believe you’re trying to charge me for your mistake,” Xaz'ganath huffed in outrage.

“You don’t pay until you pick up the cake,” Juan said calmly, “You weren’t charged for the first one and you won’t have to pay until this one is done. I’m just letting you know how much it’s going to cost.”

“I shouldn’t have to pay,” Xaz'ganath said, raising his voice enough that he got looks from the customers behind him.

“I can give you a discount,” the bakery manager offered, clearly just wanting him gone.

“It should be free,” Xaz'ganath stood his ground, “After all the trouble you’ve given me and how rude you’ve been.”

“Lady,” the man in line behind him interjected, “You’re the one who’s rude.”

Xaz'ganath glared at him, “Was anyone even talking to you? I’m ahead of you in line and you’ll just have to wait. No need to be angry about it.”

Turning back to Juan Xaz'ganath went with the nuclear option, sure to ruin his day and waste even more time for all involved, “I want to speak to your manager.”

Tina let out a groan, Juan grimaced, “I am the manager.”

“No, the real manger,” Xaz'ganath sneered, “Call the store manager. If you’re going to be rude to me like this I want to talk to him.”

“Fine,” the bakery manager reached for the phone. The PA system screeched as Juan paged the store manager to the bakery counter.

The wait was longer than Xaz'ganath could have hoped for, giving him plenty of time to berate the bakery manager for poor customer service, how inconsiderate he was and how it was awful that a customer who shopped in the store so often and spent so much there would be treated so disrespectfully.

A tall man in a dress shirt and tie arrived on the scene, clearly a manager and Xaz'ganath started to begin his carefully planned tirade, only for his rant to fall silent.

He recognized those blank eyes, that slack face and when the store manager spoke, with haste, but devoid of inflection or any hint of concern, he knew for certain.

“I’ve got this,” the manager’s expression twitched as he took in the sight of the two harried bakery employees and the line of increasingly frustrated customers, as though a smile was considered and then dismissed with great speed as being too much effort, “Now what seems to be the problem?”

He fixed Xaz'ganath with a thousand yard stare and the demon quailed.

It was just his luck that Zolrinnoch the Vacuous Taskmaster had already claimed this slice of retail hell as his own.

**Author's Note:**

> The stories I could tell...


End file.
